The terrible secret of the cannibal gnomes

A colleague of mine, who is aware of my incorrigible dorkery, sent me a link to Fagan Arms, an interesting arms and antiques dealer.  One item they have for sale is this Fijian helmet:

“Made with a split cane frame with bundled cane front bar, covered with pounded mulberry bark secured within by additional split cane braces.  The top with a twisted plant fiber cord for suspension of a charm.  Complete as made and some storage dust to the surface only.  In Fiji, human flesh was considered a delicacy and inhabitants were in constant danger of capture by another tribe.  Clunie reports of hunting expeditions returning with women and children strung from the rigging of the warrior’s canoe.  No warrior ever left his home without his throwing club and a helmet such as this which protected against a blow from the club. “–dealer’s description at Fagan Arms

So, how does this relate to my headline?

Well, the pounded bark covering looks a lot like felt, and I imagine that the padding provided by the bark is part of the protection offered, in addition to the wooden frame.  Lately, I’ve been reading the “Gnomes” book (the English translation of of the Dutch book with the sinister title Leven en Werken van de Kabouter, by Wil Huygen and Rien Portvliet) to my daughter at night.  She loves the intricate drawings of their tiny houses and escapades, especially the pages about their medicinal herbs, because there ia a picture of a gnome with flatulence and a mouse holding its nose!

Anyway, the book explains that gnome caps are actually solid felt:

Now the authors try to explain this away as a defense against falling acorns and possibly predatory animals.  Maybe.

But consider:

Gnomes are increasingly rare.

Gnomes are secretive.

Gnomes are considered a delicacy by other fairy folk like trolls and snotgurgles.

And gnome babies are less common now than they were long ago:

In case you were born in the last twenty years and so can’t read cursive, the text says

“Long ago — more than 1,000 years — families were much larger, sometimes 10 or 12 children. Due to a certain intervention, about which gnomes decline to speak, this is no longer the case.”

The truth is obvious for anyone with the courage to face it.  Gnomes are cannibals.  Baby-eating cannibals!

Gnome stew image taken from the Gnome Stew blog, a really good source of ideas for DMing and refereeing games.

Published in: on February 7, 2010 at 2:38 am  Comments (6)  
Tags: , , ,

The URI to TrackBack this entry is:

RSS feed for comments on this post.

6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I knew that something wasn’t right about those shifty bastards!

  2. Leave it to you to ruin the Gnomes’ spotless reputation. You really are a dork, and a cruel one at that….baby eating cannibals….it’s BIRTH CONTROL- that’s what they are NOT talking about. Because they are POLITE. Unlike you. Sheesh. Do I have to teach you EVERYTHING?

  3. […] In case you wondered, gnomes really are cannibals. […]

  4. […] of AD&D 2e and Dragonlance. I’d rather have gnomes be like the gnomes in the famous (infamous?) book by Huyget & […]

  5. “I wanted to play a Whisper Gnome but had a twisted idea to make him a cannibal but wanted some race that were actually cannibals. WIN, WIN, thanks

  6. Hi together. The threat is funny. Me also i had to laugh. I like to see an cannibal with this fine red dwarf cap :). But it is in real, that many tribes described hats, caps and other things from cotton or wool as “Armour”-And in many cases they are really working, because they are worked as so called “padded armor”. This means that some layers of material are worked together. So from this they give a real support against club blows, arrows ans some other attacks. These type of armor you will find at China, Argentina ore at the oceanic tribes. Others have noi real protection but the users say that this things have magic powers. See also some shields of the American Indians or weapons and armor from Indonesia or Oceania. Check here:

    Greetings LH
    (weapons and armor historian and writer in arms and armor)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Wayne's Books

Game Gallery ~ Photo Blog

Ann's Immaterium

Writing, gaming, miniature painting, physical culture, and other dark procrastinations.


Collecting, modelling, painting and wargaming in 28mm

Dragons Never Forget

and I am no Dragon

This Stuff is REALLY Cool

Young scholars enthusiastic to tell you about COOL RESEARCH STUFF

Fail Squad Games

Tabletop games and adventures

Chuck Wendig: Terribleminds

Hey Did You Know I Write Books

Save Vs. Dragon

"We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different."--Kurt Vonnegut


Old School Roleplaying and related musings

Hobgoblin Orange

My return to the world of miniature figure painting and RPGs

The Book Reviews You Can Trust!

Dawn of the Lead

Miniature wargaming and the occasional zombie

The Blog

The latest news on and the WordPress community.


Miniature Motivation

Take On Rules

Jeremy Friesen - a poor soul consumed by gaming.

Age of Dusk

Roleplaying, reviews and associated paraphernalia.

Roll to Disbelieve

"We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different."--Kurt Vonnegut

A Book of Creatures

A Complete Guide to Entities of Myth, Legend, and Folklore

Making the Past

Diary of an apprentice swordsmith

Ancient & Medieval Wargaming

Using De Bellis Antiquitatis, with the odd diversion...

Riffing Religion

Prophets should be mocked. I'm doing my part.


Magazine of Thrilling Adventure and Daring Suspense

2 Warps to Neptune

Surveying the Gen X landscape and the origins of geek

Inside the Shadowbox

Rolling the dice. Writing the words. Pushing the buttons. Eating the bacon. Smiling and waving.

Dagger and Brush, Daggerandbrush, dagger brush

Miniature painting, wargaming terrain tutorials, reviews, interviews and painting guides


A lair for gaming, sci-fi, comics, and other geekish pursuits.

I bought these adventure and review them so you don't have to.

9th Key Press

Maps, supplements, and inspiration for roleplaying games.

The Rambling Roleplayer Archives

This site is no longer being updated. Check out the new site at

Sheppard's Crook

The occasional blog of a closet would -be wargamer and modeller

10 Bad Habits

Probably not the Justin Howe you were looking for

The Weekly Sift

making sense of the news one week at a time

%d bloggers like this: