Schwerts und Dorkerei: an Oinkendeutschprimer

I’ve recently gotten back in touch with my former college roommate Sean (via email, and eventually we will get a chance to catch up with for real in person some time…). It was Sean who introduced me to the idea of a wonderfully stupid “secret language”/language game similar to Pig Latin, but instead of moving and altering phonemes as you might in Pig Latin, Oinkendeutsch just mixes up bad German and English into a very silly pidgin. I don’t know if Sean or one of his friends invented it, but for reasons I cannot begin to fathom the idea stuck with me for years, and I’d occasionally amuse myself on my long commute by changing the lyrics of songs to Oinkendeutsch.

The main idea is to take German suffixes (such as -in, -en, -ung, etc.) and prefixes (mainly ge-), and some German words that sound like English words and insert them into your speech. You can also use harsh English words to stand in for German words, such as “Oink” for “pig”. In this way yo make up phony German words and use them to pepper your speech, perhaps also using some legitimate German words and even grammar. So you end up with a really stupid sounding pidgin. “Oinkendeutsch” itself uses the phony German word “Oinken” (=pig) and compounds it with the legitimate German word for German (Deutsch) to create Oinkendeutsch. And so on. You might use the German “Viel” (many) for “feel,” just because they sound alike (false friends). You might just make up the German “version” of a word.

Thus, for example, Schwerts und Dorkerei.

Maybe “Klingen” would be a more common German word for “swords.” Maybe “Schwerten” would be the correct plural of “Schwert.” Doesn’t matter. You want homophones, “false friends,” and generally speaking, fake German that someone with a tenuous grasp of the language might partly understand. I’m vaguely convinced “-erei” is a legitimate German noun ending, but even if it isn’t, it sounds right. If you barely remember high school German. Verbs can/should be extended to ridiculous lengths. “Gemakeninung” for “make.” The ge-‘s and -in-en-ung’s will eventually cease to register. Try it.

Anyway Oinkendeutsch would be a great dialect for orcs and other humanoids, I think.

“Halten! Who gost der? Showen mich yourer Paperen!”

(“Halt” is legit German but also recognizable in English. “Halten” is just stupid, because it is unlikely that a goblin guard is going to address intruders formally rather than the familiar “Halt!” from WWII movies. “Gost” = go + -st. “der,” a German article, is pronounced with the same vowel sound as “there” and just sounds like a bad Brooklyn accent for “there”. “Show,” “your,” and “paper” just get “-en” added. “mich” is German for “me” and is pronounced “meesh” so it works. ) Simple, huh? Bonus points for a Col. Klink or Schultzie accent.

I suppose it is vaguely related to GI German. For example, Schweinhund is not really a German word (but it should be).

Yeah, well, it amuses me anyway.

Published in: on June 24, 2010 at 8:29 am  Comments (4)  
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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. sounds very funny, having german as my native tongue. 🙂

    sorry if i dissapoint you, but schwein(e)hund is a word. means either something similar to “bastard”, or is used it the saying “seinen inneren schweinehund überwinden” = “to overcome one’s weaker self”. (not quite sure if that saying is used in english i had to look it up. 😉 )

    and “-erei” is spot on. like “schweinerei”, which could mean mess or scandal, depending on context.

    keeper ab die gooden workerei!

    • That’s interesting. Maybe my German teaching in high school just didn’t want us to use “Schweinhund” so much in our conversations. Thanks for the feedback.

  2. This ist liebenei 😀 ich prefer schweineschwyzdütsch as itch gegen konquer die Werlt! Ümläut und doublen eß (ss -> ß) shoult be used tö.

    pig lanuages, such as schweineschwyzdütsch are very cool for toponyms. 🙂
    btw: this blog is awesome

    • Feelin’ dank!
      Ja, umlauts aren awesomelich.

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