Barely treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality

“May your sword stay wet, like a young girl in her prime”

— Man O War, “Hail & Kill”

“Anoint my phallus with the blood of the fallen”

–Nile, “Ithyphallic”

I had a few more seriously stupid heavy metal lines in mind and intended to make a list but these two deserve to be appreciated on their own. I mean, you could probably just paste in the entire opus of GWAR for similarly silly lines, and yeah, I know these guys don’t take themselves all that seriously. “Hail & Kill” and “Ithyphallic” stand out for me because they are fairly awesome musically IMO but the silly lyrics kind of spoil things.

Feel free to add you favorite slightly retarded metal lyrics to the comments.

Published in: on September 3, 2010 at 12:59 pm  Comments (5)  
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5 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. We used to have the most fun with lyrics from Yngwie Malmsteen’s second album. “I am a Viking” became “I’m going hiking” or “workers are striking,” etc.

    I don’t think I have any examples as great as the two you posted, though.

  2. That may be the most beautiful blog post title of all time.

    • Thanks! But I swiped it from a line in This is Spinal Tap. 😦

  3. awful use of the word retarded.

    • How so?


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