I am a hater and you should not drink and blog

So I just drank a 2 pint bottle of “Three Philosophers” beer and it is 9.8% ABV and apparently I’m a lightweight because I’m presently reposting an email form a local “DnD” yahoo group I joined when I was trying to recruit players.  The email is from the DM to his players, subject line “Wish list”:

Hello All,

Please remember to send me your magic item wish list if you have not already done so. You can include items up to 4 levels above your current level. Pick a range of levels because I rarely give our the highest level!

It’s a Type IV game and in Type IV you are encouraged to write a wish list to Santa your DM and detail what magic items you expect to “find” because they will optimize your character build.  (Pardon me, I just threw up in my mouth a little.)

Which reminds me of the time we were playing Type IV and our DM reluctantly asked us for “Wish lists” and here is what I sent him, somewhat in-character for my half-orc brutal rogue Big Swifty:

Dear Satan Claws, I have been a very roguish half orc.  Please see to it to that some of my next victims are stocked with lots of magic loot, or I will hunt you down, disembowel you, and decorate a tree with your innards by nailing one end of your intestines to the tree and chasing you around and around it until all your guts are festively strewn about the tree.  Then I will rape Mrs. Claws and some of the elves. Then I will burn down the workshop and piss on the ashes.
Where was I?
Oh yeah, please try to get me:

1) L1 a restful bedroll (this is different from the High School Musical sleeping bag Lock asked for!)
2) L3 A duelist’s rapier +1
3) L3 Staunching leather +1
4) L4 Flaying gloves
5) L5 Cape of the mountebank

A talon amulet (L3) would also fit in my stocking.

Thank you Satan Claws!

Hugs & kisses,
Swidthef (aka Big Swifty)

So I guess I got into the spirit of the “wish list” idea pretty well.  To his extreme credit, the DM, my brother Tom, ended the Type IV campaign with a TPK shortly after this.
So while I would never criticize others for playing type IV, magic item wish lists (which are apparently recommended right in the type IV DMG!) pretty much say everything that needs to be said about why it is not for me.
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Published in: on January 21, 2011 at 11:24 pm  Comments (10)  
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10 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Magic item. Wish list.

    CRIPES.

    Does Player’s Handbook N+1 include game-effects of holding your breath until the DM gives you the +3 Frost Brand you asked for?

    don’t even get me frickin’ STARTED on the whole concept of multiple PHBs and DMGs…

  2. Type IV D&D eh? “Combining the worst aspects of an ape and boar”? 😉 Cheers

  3. […] Magic item “wish lists”? Really???? Is this what D&D 4e and other current RPGs are about??? […]

  4. Your wishlist was hilarious. Well, not the list — the preamble.

    I linked to your post in my blog because it knocked me on my butt. Not to sound like an old fogey or anything, but back in my day a RPG player’s entire wishlist consisted of:

    1) Please don’t let me die
    2) Please see Wish #1

    Players today apparently have no clue.

    And they won’t stay off my &^%^&ing lawn, either.

  5. Watch out for the splatbooks while drinking.

    Hundreds are injured every year by splat shrapnel.

  6. You can post while drinking whenever you’d like. I found this quite humorous!

  7. I don’t even know what “type iv” means, but my doctor says I’m a type o negative, so I guess I can’t play.

    • 4th edition. Z.Sabbath came up with the term, as far as I know, and I don’t think he meant it as slur or anything.
      It’s a neat little game but it ain’t D&D. :p

      • In retrospect, WotC probably would’ve done themselves a favor by treating the ‘editions’ as different product lines to support and calling them ‘Type I’, ‘Type II’…

        Without railroading customers into ‘the latest’, they might’ve kept the door open to make more bucks in the long run…

  8. Oh dear lord. I actually did that in my 4e campaign – asked for wish-lists. It made me feel dirty. There never was enough soap to clean the taint off.

    – Ark


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