Barney in the dungeon

When my daughter was a little younger and lots of kiddy songs were the order of the day, I found myself humming or even singing some of them on my work commute and making up alternative lyrics, as you do to stay sane.  So I imagined the songs that might be sung in the dens of humanoid caverns of The Keep on the Borderlands, with its infamous encounters of rooms full of juvenile orcs, goblins, etc.

So the first one was just a list of humanoids in order of HD:

(to the tune of ‘Head and shoulders, knees and toes’)

Kobolds, goblins, orcs and gnolls, orcs and gnolls.

Kobolds, goblins, orcs and gnolls, orcs and gnolls.

Bugbears, ogres, minotaurs and trolls,

Kobolds, goblins, orcs and gnolls, orcs and gnolls!

The “pecking order” must be one of the first lessons you need to know as a humanoid.  I suppose a more accurate progression in terms of HD would be kobolds, goblins, orcs, hobgoblins, gnolls, bugbears, ogres, trolls, but that doesn’t have the same rhythm.  Also minotaurs were necessary as I couldn’t think of a standard D&D humanoid with 5 HD.

The other one I came up with is pretty obvious too.  I guess if the young humanoids were singing this when the party bursts through the door, it would make the scenarios’ inherent genocide a little more palatable!

(to ‘Apples and bananas’)

I like to eat, eat, eat, clerics and paladins. I like to eat, eat, eat, clerics and paladins.

I like to oat, oat, oat, clorocs and polodons. I like to oat, oat, oat, clorocs and polodons.

I like to ite, ite, ite, clirics and pilidins.  I like to ite, ite, ite, clirics and pilidins.


Do your campaign’s  goblinoids and humanoids have nursery rhymes? Do tell.

Published in: on March 21, 2013 at 9:08 am  Comments (5)  

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5 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Wait, no Xvarts? 😉

    • Nope, the Fiend Folio is adults only.

  2. […] Barney in the dungeon ( […]

  3. I found myself singing “I like to eat paladins and clerics” the other day. You, sir, have invented an earworm.

  4. […] Barney in the dungeon […]

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